I have a wonderful friend- who until today I’d never met in person. I know her thru her blog and then FB. Over the past few months we have texted and im’d several times a week- just to check in, see how the other is doing. Yes, she is a fellow IF. She has been struggling with it longer than I and has done several rounds of IVF/FET, which I haven’t. She has been a great comfort to me.. she understands my angry humor or at least hasn’t shunned me because of it. It is hard to find someone who understands and always listens, even a quick ohmygodineedtovent text while at work. She is that person. There are times when I think I must drive her crazy…I know she has given me more support than I have been able to give her. Support and understanding I will be forever grateful for.
Early on, we found out that we live within 30 mins of each other. We even go to the same RE. We have mourned the loss of our beloved Nurse Rainbows (she left the practice to be a stay at home mom) and complain about one certain person who works there (not the Dr) But we have never met. Until today.
We both had appointments scheduled this morning- 45 mins apart. They were there for an ultrasound- she had had a transfer a few weeks before and a BFP was the outcome! Bloodwork showed rising levels so this was their next step. Very exciting…and scary. We were there for another IUI. Chances were slim she would still be there when we arrived. But as luck would have it, the office was slammed and she and her husband were still there. The greeting was quick, we had to check in- there were others in front of us and once we could sit down, there weren’t even two chairs together. Shortly after, they were called back. She stood up, I smiled, and she pulled something out of her purse-” I have something for you” she said “in case you’re not still here when we get out” and handed me a magenta friendship bracelet. (Magneta is the color for IF) It was one the daughter of a friend of hers had made for her. Awwww…I love it. After they went to the back, I moved to her chair. My husband looked at me quizzically. I said “Shes pregnant- I’m taking in her baby dust” The woman sitting next to my husband smiled. Our wait began. I tried to read my nook but concentration was not with me. I tried to watch the tv but could not hear it very well- too much going on around me. I looked up from my phone (yes addicted, thank you) at one point- maybe noise alerted me- to see my friend and her husband making a quick exit. I looked at my husband and whispered ‘Was she crying?’ He nodded. My heart sank. I wanted to jump up and chase after her. Give her a hug. Say I’m sorry- although I don’t think words can do much at that moment. Something, anything to help. But I did not want to invade their space- I don’t know her well enough to know if that would have been welcomed. Instead I sat there and cried a little. While waiting in the room,my husband and I talked more openly about her. He noted how tall she was- yes..and I am so short…we’ve joked that if we ever hung, we’d be very “Mutt and Jeff” She is also very pretty. Her FB pictures don’t do her justice.
This is a tribute to my friend. A thank you for always listening. A pledge that I will always be here to hear and listen to you. Many (cyber) hugs are being sent to you and your husband on this most difficult of days. I pray that our futures are full of baby bottles,diapers, spitups and late nights that will consume our conversations and make us forget this pain!